She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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