On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
