Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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