wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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