maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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