i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
