i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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