how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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