I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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