I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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