Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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