I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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