You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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