We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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