Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
