someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
