it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
