he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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