is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
