She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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