i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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