Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize