They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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