I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
