at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
