yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
