you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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