even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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