I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
