I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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