Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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