hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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