During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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