life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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