yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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