Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
