They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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