I hate your face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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