is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
