Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
