Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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