dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
