So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
