i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
