dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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