my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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