i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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