i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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