Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
