who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
