i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
