oh god the rape fog is back!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
