Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
