So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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