Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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