i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
