Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
