just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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