Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
