you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
