Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
