Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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