the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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