Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
