I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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