Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
