Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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