I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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