I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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