I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
