I accidentally had phone sex last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
