the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
