omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?