Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

its not stalking. its research.

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(610): its not stalking. its research. http://tfl.nu/qywi

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(573): View more from Missouri

Small penises have feelings too.

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(573): Small penises have feelings too. http://tfl.nu/ikhv

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

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(217): I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college? http://tfl.nu/03bi

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(970): View more from Colorado

She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.

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(970): She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat. http://tfl.nu/yazk

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.

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(201): I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/k100

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.

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(405): We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out. http://tfl.nu/ia59

Replies (7) Good night (751) Bad night (3049)
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(510): View more from California

It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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(510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx

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(602): View more from Arizona

You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.

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(602): You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up. http://tfl.nu/1td0

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(713): View more from Texas

He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk

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(713): He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk http://tfl.nu/6kdn

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(207): View more from Maine

Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?

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(207): Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims? http://tfl.nu/se1q

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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(412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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(+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d

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(310): View more from California

If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

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(310): If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave http://tfl.nu/1hv2

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(575): View more from New Mexico

They took my balls.

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(575): They took my balls. http://tfl.nu/tyz5

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom

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(709): He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom http://tfl.nu/rh7h

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