my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities