i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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