Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...