Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
